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Mark Spivey
By: Mark Spivey

 

No one hardly remembers the name of Mary Woodson; she was practically an unknown prior to committing a heinous crime that would have people talking about her for years to come. Early in the morning on October 18th, 1974, Mrs. Woodson would change the direction of the music world when she poured a scalding pot of hot grits down the back of a butt-naked musical genius named Al Green. Yep, THAT Al Green. According to media accounts, Mrs. Woodson left her kids and husband at home in New Jersey and attended one of Green’s concerts up the turnpike in New York. After meeting, they soon begin dating.

“For The Good Times” took on a brand new meaning after Al Green returned to his Memphis home from a concert in San Francisco only to be surprised by Woodson who was waiting there. Not only did she commit this horrible act, she also ended up committing suicide by shooting herself in the head. The world would later find out that Al Green never knew Mrs. Woodson was married. Hmmmm, huh. He later renounced soul music altogether and began preaching. “Love will make you do right and love will make you do wrong”…

Many people across America used to make jokes about “that woman who poured them hot grits down his back”, but I know Al Green didn’t find that ISH funny. He suffered severe burns and spent many months in the hospital. Still, people claim that “that” woman found a “new” way to whup his ass. I wonder what Al Green did to make her so angry? “How Can You Mend A Broken Heart”? It sho ain’t with no damn grits…blog-al-green-blog-pic
Brenda Harvey is another name that many people may not recall. She was the former wife of Lionel Richie, lead singer and Grammy-winning artist of “The Commodores”. In 1988, Brenda was arrested for beating the hell out of Lionel after he got caught sleeping in their bed with another woman. Brenda kicked both Lionel’s AND his lover’s ass. He didn’t realize as he was serenading his side-piece with “Hello, is me you’re looking for” that Miss Brenda showed up and was about to commence to tearing down his boo-thang’s “Brick House”. Brenda was “mighty-mighty, just letting it all hang out”.

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RON GALELLA, LTD./WIREIMAGE

Do y’all remember Solange’s (Beyonce’s little sister) annihilation of Jay-Z in that elevator at a New York City Hotel. She was justa kicking and a’swanging, and a’punching the hell outta Jay-Z who took the beating like a man. I don’t know if she was “drunk in love” with Bey’s man or if she was just mad and wanted to kick somebody’s ass that night. He must have called her ugly or something, but then again, Jay-Z can’t call ANYBODY ugly. He’s a better man than me, however, because my momma told me if “anybody hits me, I bettah hit them back”. I guess that includes women, too…

solange/ tumblr
solange/ tumblr

 

Of all of the ass-whuppings administered by women in this millennium, the best one I’ve seen so far happened at Hofstra University the other night when Hillary Clinton whupped Donald Trump’s little snorting ass. If the “Spritz” in his hair had legs, it would have run the hell up outta there, leaving that dingy rug on top of his head a droopy mess! With his face contorting and his hands a’flying, Trump drank enough water during that 90-minute debate to supply Flint, Michigan with at least a week’s worth. His throat had to be parched from all the lying he was doing. That “Fact-o-meter” thingy was about to burn up every time he opened up his damn mouth.

PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY BRIGETTE SUPERNOVA/THE DAILY BEAST
PHOTO ILLUSTRATION BY BRIGETTE SUPERNOVA/THE DAILY BEAST

 

Hillary Clinton was whupping his ass when she called him out on his taxes. She was also whupping his ass when he claimed that ending “stop-and-frisk” made New York City more dangerous. That was a lie. She even whupped his ass some more when she called him out for saying that “the United States should have taken Libya’s oil”, something that clearly violates the Geneva Convention. But, the best thing she did from time-to-time was to let Trump continually kick his own ass when he showed how uneducated he was on political matters.
When a woman whups yo ass it’s just best to take your licking and keep on ticking. Don’t say nothing, don’t ask for nothing, and don’t touch nothing, because you ain’t gett’n nothing! That includes the presidency of the United States. Nobody can Trump that…
God bless, goodnight, and keep yo families together.

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