I recently watched an ABC News special about Black women not getting married. It featured a number of beautiful, intelligent Black women who couldn‘t find husbands. The show, which quoted Steve Harvey, who wrote a book on relationships last year, allowed the guest to drone on about how sad it is that the Black men that Black women want are just too blind and pathetic to see how great these women really are.

I can’t help but find it odd that Black women in America are taking relationship advice from a comedian. Not to hate on Steve, but you’ve got to wonder if there is a qualified relationship counselor available somewhere who actually studied this stuff in school. Perhaps it’s because Black America is getting relationship advice from a comedian that our family structures have become a great big national joke.

We all know the story: over 70 percent of all African-American women don’t have husbands. That is a tragedy for the entire family, especially the children. The joint social trauma inflicted by a poor educational system, mass incarceration and massive unemployment among Black men has come together to create an unsustainable set of social outcomes.

That’s not to mention the Black men who’ve either chosen to date other men or can’t see the beauty of Black women when they know that Elin Nordegren might be available. Yes, Houston, we have a problem.

Still, I often wonder if there is more to the Black relationship story than that. Here are a couple of thoughts to consider: First, I have to ask, are men the only ones to blame here?

When I watched the beautiful women on the ABC special who felt that they could never find a husband, I heard some of my educated, fully employed male friends say, “I’d marry any one of them right now!” Over the years, I’ve seen many women pass over good men who would make excellent husband/boyfriend/baby daddy material.

Secondly, doesn’t it take two to tango? The last I checked, there were usually two people in a relationship. So, although Attorney General Eric Holder has joined the chorus of politicians gaining political points for blaming Black men for being the sole cause of the breakdown of the African-American family, I often wonder why African-American women are rarely held to account.”

Some of us spend our lives either barking up the wrong trees or barking in a way that sabotages our objectives. To obtain a good mate, you must learn how to be a good mate and how to choose a good mate. So, after you finish reading Steve Harvey’s book, you may want to read, “Secrets About Men Every Woman Should Know,” by Dr. Barbara DeAngelis.

The idea is that in order to get what you want, you must learn how to give what others want. But you can’t give to others if you’re only thinking about yourself. Perhaps we should work together to solve the problems.

Anyone who simply sits around complaining about how irritating other people are without doing any serious introspection is doomed for a life of frustration. Additionally, given that there are serious obstacles being faced by Black men, perhaps we should all work together to support causes that serve to liberate African-

American men from the shackles of oppression.
President Obama should hear consistent chants from the Black community about the fact that Black male unemployment is as high as 50 percent in some urban areas, keeping these men from being able to provide for a family. Anyone who loves any Black man anywhere should tell Holder that we must stop supporting the prison industrial complex and simultaneously create paths for ex-convicts to re-enter into society.

If you have a Black son, brother, father, or husband, you should want to fight against the fact that Black boys are nearly five times more likely to be placed in special education than White kids, severely impacting their graduation rates. An uneducated, unemployed man in the criminal justice system is not going to make a good husband; not every Black man in these circumstances is consciously choosing to end up this way.

Whether we like it or not, we are in this boat together, and most of us are guilty of the blame game on some level. Perhaps it’s time to stop blaming each other and find the real cause of these very real problems. To slightly modify the words of Steve Harvey, “Act like a lady, but fight for your man.” The Black family needs support from us all.