“How To Unclog Stuffed Nostrils”

By Kenny Love


In respect to the oncoming cold and flu season, and as a disclaimer
at the onset of this article, please be advised that the information
contained herein is NOT to be taken literally and seriously as sound
medical advice, but is an actual personal account of what occurred
to me one winter season in my desperate attempt to rid myself of a severe cold.

Again, please do NOT follow any advice that you deem to be of a
positive nature in this article, and I receive no kickbacks from advising you to see your doctor should you become ill.  Hopefully, this vital information will save both eyes and lives, particularly, when all over-the-counter medicines have successfully failed you.
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Do you ever have head congestion so severe and to the point that
your nostrils become stuffed, clogged, even reddened and flared
while causing you to almost, literally, blow your brains out into
your favorite Sunday handkerchief?

Well, as this ailment had become overly frustrating for me, and I
had almost reached a proverbial breaking point, short of using a
shish kabob stick, or worse, a welder’s torch, here is how I elected to unstuff and unclog my own nostrils.

1. I opened my overhead cabinet and withdrew a coffee filter.

2. I then gathered a can of black pepper and a bottle of chili powder.

3. I then sprinkled enough of each vigorously into the filter to ensure proper coverage of its bottom.

4. Next, I gathered all sides of the filter, closing it to form a bag-like container, followed by a brief exercise of shaking it a number of times in an effort to mix the ingredients sufficiently.

5. I then opened the filter and took several big whiffs.

What I Learned From This Experiment:

The first and, possibly, the most important thing that I learned from
this experiment was DON’T DO IT!!!  In fact, don’t even think about doing it!

The second thing that I learned was, if you bravely insistent on
doing it, be certain to first close your eyes very tightly so none of
the mixture backfires directly into your eyes during your external
breaths into the filter.

With my equilibrium currently being slightly off balance, along with
my inability to establish a cohesive rhythm, I zigged when I should
have zagged, and I flipped when I should have flopped.

Thus, my failure to take the proper precautions and get my rhythm
right on all accounts resulted in this homemade mixture causing a
subsequent 5-alarm hellfire and brimstone sensation in my eyes.

And, while I was temporarily blinded as a result, I must admit that I cannot recall when both my nostrils had been more clear.

One Final Caution:

To be on the best possible safe side of preventative care, before
employing this procedure, you may wish to consider placing masking tape (or better yet, goggles) over both eyes, as well as consider contacting an Emergency Medical Team as well as your local fire department in advance to have them standing by in case of the sudden occurrence of a life threatening emergency upon
your person.

I am strongly considering adding this tip to a reference that I am
contemplating writing titled, “How NOT To Kill Yourself With
Grandma’s Death-Dealing Remedies 101-Volume 1.”

Should I write such a reference, it will be distributed in retail outlets, hospitals and, particularly, funeral homes.  I shall then follow it up with a second volume titled, “Grandma’s Remedies Still Won’t Work For Me, So Why Do I Continue Using Them?: Subtitled: Lessons In Innate Futility.”
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Editor’s Note: Kenny Love is an author/writer who manages
PodLife.org, a life improvement resource at http://www.podlife.org