Raising Domestic Violence Awareness in Our Community
- By Erica Davis
- Published 10/14/2009
- Community
- Unrated
Erica Davis
Erica Davis is the youth editor for African-American News&Issues. Send your youth items and photos to E.C. Davis via email: news@aframnews.com.
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. When people think of domestic abuse, they often picture battered women who have been physically assaulted.
But not all domestic abuse involves violence. Just because you’re not battered and bruised doesn’t mean you’re not being abused. According to the Domestic Violence Hotline, abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under their thumb.
Your abuser may also threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you. Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender. It can happen to couples who are married, living together or who are dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels.
Although both men and women can be abused, most victims are women. Men who suffer from domestic abuse—especially verbal and emotional abuse—may be even more ashamed to seek help. Children in homes where there is domestic violence are more likely to be abused and/or neglected.
Most children in these homes know about the violence. Even if a child is not physically harmed, they may have emotional and behavior problems. Seventy percent of the children of abused women are also physically abused, and 20 percent are sexually abused.
The majority of abusive men were either abused as children or witnessed their mothers being abused, according to WomenKind,Inc. One in every four women will experience domestic violence in her life time.
Helpguide.org. states that domestic violence falls into a common pattern, or cycle of violence.
Beginning with: Abuse – Your abusive partner lashes out with aggressive, belittling, or violent behavior. The abuse is a power play designed to show you “who is boss.”
Guilt – After abusing you, your partner feels guilt, but not over what he’s done. He’s more worried about the possibility of being caught and facing consequences for his abusive behavior.
“Normal” behavior – Your abuser does everything he can to regain control and keep you in the relationship. He may act as if nothing has happened, or he may turn on the charm. This peaceful honeymoon phase may give you hope that your abusive partner has really changed this time;
Fantasy and planning – Your abuser begins to fantasize about abusing you again. He spends a lot of time thinking about what you’ve done wrong and how he’ll make you pay. Then he makes a plan for turning the fantasy of abuse into reality, and;
Set-up – Your abuser sets you up and puts his plan in motion, creating a situation where he can justify abusing you.
It’s confusing to the victim because in between violent eposodes, the abuser becomes apologic and displays loving gestures, which can make it difficult for the victim to leave. Recently on the Oprah Winfrey Show, after years of silence, singer Whitney Houston finally revealed the abuse that she experience while being married to Bobby Brown. According to Houston, she was emotionally and mentally abused. “He spit on me,” she told Winfrey. “He spit on me. He actually spit on me. And my daughter was coming down the stairs and she saw that.”
And what about the two names that now spark a discussion about something deeper than any other entertainment topic? The young couple Chris Brown and Rihanna have been the topic of domestic violence for the past several months, for not only the situation, but mainly because of the bloody photos shown of Rihanna.
In addition, Oprah, has even spoken of being sexually abused as a child, and stated publicly that she’ll never have children of her own. Sexual abuse is common in abusive relationships. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, between one-third and one-half of all battered women are raped by their partners or someone she knows, at least once during their relationship.
Make no mistake about it, these victims are “everyday people” like you and I. Take for example, Valencia Williams, 33, a strong-willed female, felt she had to share her story of domestic violence. “I had to sleep on the concrete floor in the basement with a thin sheet, with no food for a week, because I called the police on my stepfather”.
Williams grew up in a home where domestic violence was a factor not only between her mother and stepfather, but between her parents and their children. When she was seven-years old, she watched her stepfather beat her mother and she experienced being molested by him, as well. She vividly recalls living in a 5 bedroom home, with one of the rooms, called the “Dark Room” consisting of only a radio and a bean bag.
Her mother would take her and her little brother into the “dark room” and turn the radio up so the neighbors couldn’t hear the screaming and crying while she would beat them. As she cried, Williams continued to tell her story and explain that she believes that domestic violence is a generational effect, as she experienced it again as her first relationship with her first born son’s father.
After growing up in an abusive home, when he hit her, she knew right away to leave the situation.
Williams have become successful in spite of her trials and tribulations by establishing a non-profit organization, Halloe & Associates, Incorporated dedicated to meeting the needs of women and children all over the world and ensuring those needs are addressed. As a single mother, she raised three wonderful sons who are academically strong and know how to treat a woman.
To this day, her mother has yet to apologize for the environment that she was brought in, yet, Valencia takes care of her mother faithfully and has developed The Marrows for Mother’s Project, due to her mother illness, plastic anemia which is a form of Leukemia.
There are many victims that has silently suffered just as Valencia, who are too afraid to come forth and share their experiences and survivor stories. Others may not believe they are being abused. However, there are many warning signs of abuse. Some may include: being restricted (isolated) from seeing family and friends, discussions regarding their partner’s temper, jealousy, or possessiveness, seems afraid or anxious to please their partner, dressing in clothing designed to hide bruises or scars (e.g. wearing long sleeves in the summer or sunglasses as odd times).
If you witness any warning signs of abuse in a friend, family member, or co-worker, take them very seriously. The first step in combating domestic violence is to talk to the victim, then seek assistance.
The victim possibly will not want to discuss the situation, so give them a little time to talk. Try not to rush into providing them with quick solutions. Secondly, try to listen without passing judgement. We are always quick to say what we will and won’t do in a situation, when truthfully, we never know exactly what we will do until we are actually in the situation.
There are assistance shelters for abused women and men in every city and state. If you are in Houston, The Houston Area Women’s Center, located at 1010 Waugh Dr., has set-up a Domestic Violence Hotline. Their number is (713)528-2121 for domestic violence and (713)528-7273 for sexual assault. The Women’s Center will be sponsoring their 22nd Annual Race against Violence on March 6, 2010. You can get more information regarding The Houston Area Women’s Center on their Web site at www.hawc.org.
In Dallas, The Family Place, is the largest family violence service provider in the area reaching out to thousands of victims of family violence for over 30 years. The organization provides emergency shelter, counseling and emergency relief services for women and children victims of domestic violence at our Safe Campus. The Safe Campus concept is simple: provide everything women and children need to stay safe and escape from their batterers at one confidential location.
Assisting in allevating domestic abuse, The Family Center also offers a Battering Intervention and Prevention Program for abusers trying to change their violent behavior. For more information, their 24-hour crisis hotline number is (214) 941-1991.
No matter what city or state you reside in, there is assistance available for victims of abuse. It is up to you to speak up against violence.
But not all domestic abuse involves violence. Just because you’re not battered and bruised doesn’t mean you’re not being abused. According to the Domestic Violence Hotline, abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. Abusers use fear, guilt, shame, and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under their thumb.
Your abuser may also threaten you, hurt you, or hurt those around you. Domestic violence can happen to anyone of any race, age, sexual orientation, religion or gender. It can happen to couples who are married, living together or who are dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels.
Although both men and women can be abused, most victims are women. Men who suffer from domestic abuse—especially verbal and emotional abuse—may be even more ashamed to seek help. Children in homes where there is domestic violence are more likely to be abused and/or neglected.
Most children in these homes know about the violence. Even if a child is not physically harmed, they may have emotional and behavior problems. Seventy percent of the children of abused women are also physically abused, and 20 percent are sexually abused.
The majority of abusive men were either abused as children or witnessed their mothers being abused, according to WomenKind,Inc. One in every four women will experience domestic violence in her life time.
Helpguide.org. states that domestic violence falls into a common pattern, or cycle of violence.
Beginning with: Abuse – Your abusive partner lashes out with aggressive, belittling, or violent behavior. The abuse is a power play designed to show you “who is boss.”
Guilt – After abusing you, your partner feels guilt, but not over what he’s done. He’s more worried about the possibility of being caught and facing consequences for his abusive behavior.
“Normal” behavior – Your abuser does everything he can to regain control and keep you in the relationship. He may act as if nothing has happened, or he may turn on the charm. This peaceful honeymoon phase may give you hope that your abusive partner has really changed this time;
Fantasy and planning – Your abuser begins to fantasize about abusing you again. He spends a lot of time thinking about what you’ve done wrong and how he’ll make you pay. Then he makes a plan for turning the fantasy of abuse into reality, and;
Set-up – Your abuser sets you up and puts his plan in motion, creating a situation where he can justify abusing you.
It’s confusing to the victim because in between violent eposodes, the abuser becomes apologic and displays loving gestures, which can make it difficult for the victim to leave. Recently on the Oprah Winfrey Show, after years of silence, singer Whitney Houston finally revealed the abuse that she experience while being married to Bobby Brown. According to Houston, she was emotionally and mentally abused. “He spit on me,” she told Winfrey. “He spit on me. He actually spit on me. And my daughter was coming down the stairs and she saw that.”
And what about the two names that now spark a discussion about something deeper than any other entertainment topic? The young couple Chris Brown and Rihanna have been the topic of domestic violence for the past several months, for not only the situation, but mainly because of the bloody photos shown of Rihanna.
In addition, Oprah, has even spoken of being sexually abused as a child, and stated publicly that she’ll never have children of her own. Sexual abuse is common in abusive relationships. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, between one-third and one-half of all battered women are raped by their partners or someone she knows, at least once during their relationship.
Make no mistake about it, these victims are “everyday people” like you and I. Take for example, Valencia Williams, 33, a strong-willed female, felt she had to share her story of domestic violence. “I had to sleep on the concrete floor in the basement with a thin sheet, with no food for a week, because I called the police on my stepfather”.
Williams grew up in a home where domestic violence was a factor not only between her mother and stepfather, but between her parents and their children. When she was seven-years old, she watched her stepfather beat her mother and she experienced being molested by him, as well. She vividly recalls living in a 5 bedroom home, with one of the rooms, called the “Dark Room” consisting of only a radio and a bean bag.
Her mother would take her and her little brother into the “dark room” and turn the radio up so the neighbors couldn’t hear the screaming and crying while she would beat them. As she cried, Williams continued to tell her story and explain that she believes that domestic violence is a generational effect, as she experienced it again as her first relationship with her first born son’s father.
After growing up in an abusive home, when he hit her, she knew right away to leave the situation.
Williams have become successful in spite of her trials and tribulations by establishing a non-profit organization, Halloe & Associates, Incorporated dedicated to meeting the needs of women and children all over the world and ensuring those needs are addressed. As a single mother, she raised three wonderful sons who are academically strong and know how to treat a woman.
To this day, her mother has yet to apologize for the environment that she was brought in, yet, Valencia takes care of her mother faithfully and has developed The Marrows for Mother’s Project, due to her mother illness, plastic anemia which is a form of Leukemia.
There are many victims that has silently suffered just as Valencia, who are too afraid to come forth and share their experiences and survivor stories. Others may not believe they are being abused. However, there are many warning signs of abuse. Some may include: being restricted (isolated) from seeing family and friends, discussions regarding their partner’s temper, jealousy, or possessiveness, seems afraid or anxious to please their partner, dressing in clothing designed to hide bruises or scars (e.g. wearing long sleeves in the summer or sunglasses as odd times).
If you witness any warning signs of abuse in a friend, family member, or co-worker, take them very seriously. The first step in combating domestic violence is to talk to the victim, then seek assistance.
The victim possibly will not want to discuss the situation, so give them a little time to talk. Try not to rush into providing them with quick solutions. Secondly, try to listen without passing judgement. We are always quick to say what we will and won’t do in a situation, when truthfully, we never know exactly what we will do until we are actually in the situation.
There are assistance shelters for abused women and men in every city and state. If you are in Houston, The Houston Area Women’s Center, located at 1010 Waugh Dr., has set-up a Domestic Violence Hotline. Their number is (713)528-2121 for domestic violence and (713)528-7273 for sexual assault. The Women’s Center will be sponsoring their 22nd Annual Race against Violence on March 6, 2010. You can get more information regarding The Houston Area Women’s Center on their Web site at www.hawc.org.
In Dallas, The Family Place, is the largest family violence service provider in the area reaching out to thousands of victims of family violence for over 30 years. The organization provides emergency shelter, counseling and emergency relief services for women and children victims of domestic violence at our Safe Campus. The Safe Campus concept is simple: provide everything women and children need to stay safe and escape from their batterers at one confidential location.
Assisting in allevating domestic abuse, The Family Center also offers a Battering Intervention and Prevention Program for abusers trying to change their violent behavior. For more information, their 24-hour crisis hotline number is (214) 941-1991.
No matter what city or state you reside in, there is assistance available for victims of abuse. It is up to you to speak up against violence.