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I clearly remember the first time I was called a nigger. I was six years old in the first grade of my integrated school. Little Johnny, who sat behind me, kept kicking my chair and even pulled my hair once or twice. I asked Johnny to stop, but he kept on. Finally, I went up to the teacher’s desk and told her that Johnny was kicking my chair, and he would not stop. She called Johnny up to her desk and took him in the hallway. A few minutes later, the teacher and Johnny came back into the room. As Johnny passed my seat he gave me a dirty look, and with his teeth clinched, he whispered, “nigger”.
I had never heard that word before. It was not spoken in my parent’s home. But somehow the word pained me so much so that I began to cry. In fact, I cried so hard that I was sent out of the classroom and to a big room with a long table. There I laid my head down and continued to cry. Perhaps, in my little six year old spirit, I knew that ‘nigger’ was an evil word. And when it was spoken by older men who looked like Johnny it would have, more than likely, been followed by tossing a rope over a tree.
As I grew older I would hear my big brother and his friends laughing ,and talking, and calling each other nigga. I often heard the term, ‘Nigga Please’. I even began to use the word myself on occasion. I recall the first time I heard my mother use the word. She was describing a teenaged date that I was supposed to have; however, the boy never showed up or called ,and I was very hurt. Mama said, “ I never did like that little nigga”.

Naturally it was used commonly in college, and I never gave any thought to what it really meant. I just knew that when Junebug called Tyrone a nigga, they laughed about it; but one day Biff called Tyrone a nigger , and he got punched in the nose.
I finally came to the realization that nigga was a negative term one summer while working at a local Y.M.C.A, in the hood. One of the middle school aged kids I taught called another a nigga. I asked the young brother, “what's a nigga?” He responded, “me”. I asked the other kids the same thing and they all agreed that black people were ‘niggas’. While in graduate school I volunteered to teach Black history during vacation bible school at a local church. One of the kids in attendance was a little boy about 12 who had the word ‘niggahs’ carved into his hairstyle. I had to ask him why he chose to do that…his response began with “my momma said it’s my head…” Later when the group of students came back together I asked them what was the definition of a ‘nigga’…they all agreed and said black people.

Young folk today say it’s a term of endearment (if Junebug call you a nigga), but if Biff ever dared form his lips to say, “What’s up my nigga?”, he just might get a beat down from the boyz in the hood. I wonder if white folks sit around and say “ What’s go ing on honky?”. Do Mexicans refer to each other as ‘wetbacks’? Do Native Americans say, “ What’s up my savages? ” Are we the only people to take the name that was used to historically degrade us, often used before beating, lynching, or raping us, change the spelling of it to give it a more ebonic flavor, then claim it as a term of endearment? Have we lost our minds? Do our children think they are niggas because we call them out in this manner, especially when we discipline them?

Later in life I was taught that the word nigger meant someone who was dirty and lowdown. Thus it was justified that anyone could be a nigger, even white folks (who are apparently called ‘wiggers’ on popular radio shows). However, until recently, Webster’s Dictionary described ‘Nigger’ as a term for Black people and made reference to the word ‘Negro’. To my knowledge the word ‘Honky’ was no where to be found, and ‘Cracker’ only made reference to Saltines found in your neighborhood grocery store.
Here again we find Willie Lynch hard at work. Got us calling each other out and, justifying it, pretending that it’s a good thing. White folk ask a valid question when asking why we get offended when they call us niggers, but we always call each other niggas. Some of us claim it’s the spelling which makes a difference.

In my years of working in higher education I would over hear young brothers and sisters using the term like it was someone’s name. Last year I participated in a forum of college students to discuss the term, and I was amazed that many of them saw nothing wrong with the word. In fact many of them indicated that they were unaffected by it. I fnally came to the realization that this generation was unlikely to be called a nigger by a passing car of white boys. They do not respect the term because they do not fear it. For them it’s more a part of rap and Hip Hop than it is an historical insult. Perhaps they hear the men in their families using it while watching a good sports game, playing spades, and or dominoes. Maybe they hear the women saying it as they husk peas in the kitchen, or while they are talking on the phone about a man, or men, in (or out) their lives; furthermore, starting the conversation with a phrase like ,“ that no good nigga ”.

While I would not be surprised if most black folk use the term in their daily conversation I am concerned as a mother, and as an educator, that as long as our young brothers and sisters see themselves as niggas, they will act accordingly. They will not strive for excellence, and they will not work to build up the community. They will treat each other with disrespect and will likewise disrespect their elders. They will have low self esteem and not be able to see themselves as worthy of being anything but a nigga. And we all know “niggas’ is crazy”.