Woebeit, those nasty looking tattoos decorating Allen Iverson’s paper bag brown colored little butt, prevents me from enjoying his considerable basketball skills, I must agree that he, indeed, is “The Answer!” Especially for trash-talking, warrior sisters that you can take out of the ghetto, but sure as hell ain’t gonna get the ghetto out of them.

Hey, I know you “I gotta love myself first” sisters have already tuned me out, so please forgive an old African warrior’s perspective. You see, I was raised in the ‘hood by teenage parents, who adhered to the “Good Book” and truly believed “For whom the Lord loves he chastened.”
On the other hand, mayhaps I should offer a disclaimer before I voyage too far into the Outer Limits. Ergo, be forewarned this epistle may contain language offensive to narrow-minded brothers and sisters.
Thus, read it only with the supervision of broad-minded elders. I’m talking a “Big Momma,” who had to deal with your drunken “Paw Paw” every Saturday night.
For sure, terms like wife battering, or spousal abuse didn’t exist when I was growing up in Houston’s “Big Nickel.” Then again, there were plenty of chastening going down.

Hey, the police didn’t even respond when Black folks locked elbows and bumped booties back in the old days. If you need a translation here, try “fight.”
That’s what’s alluded to as a domestic disturbance in these political correct days.” Whatever they were called, kids couldn’t wait for the next chapter in the series of rumbles in a hard working brother and a big-mouthed nagging sister’s households.
They were tantamount to Star Wars sequels, or you could compare them to those classic rematches between Muhammad Ali and Joe Frazier or Sugar and “Hit Man.” The only thing missing was Michael Buffer shouting, “Get ready to rummmble!”
Then again, we kids knew the drill. The brother staggers home and the nagging is on. Finally, the brother shouts, “Shutup woman, I’m tired and sleepy. I gotta go to work in the morning.”
Submissive wives notwithstanding, the sister’s retort usually was, “You should’ve slept at that bitch’s house!” Needless to say, after the brother would let it be known in no uncertain terms, that he paid the cost to boss his own house.
Shazam! A sister, who didn’t quit nagging and submit, certainly knew she was getting hit.

Consequently, chastening abruptly followed the last word. For sure, we kids knew it was chastening, because the loving always started immediately after the loud talking became heavy breathing.
Okay, okay, I know I’ve gone too far into the Twilight Zone for you brothers and sisters who are moving on up. But I’m talking history here.
I’m sure Allen’s Virginia ‘hood was no different from any other close to the railroad tracks, Black neighborhoods throughout the land of the free. Truthfully, if Allen hadn’t been “The Answer,” he probably would have chastened his woman the old fashion way.

If he had, perhaps, he wouldn’t be spending thousands of dollars and facing a bunch of ridiculously trumped up charges as we speak. Nevertheless, we must give Allen credit for being innovated enough to find another answer when it comes to controlling a hard headed sister, other than chastening her.
Can’t you just see old Allen fronting his stuff, for whatever reason? He knows he’s a multimillionaire that makes the front page of USA Today and news on all the networks, especially Sports Center-- by using bad language on a video.
Ergo, the frustrated brother can’t do what comes naturally in the ‘hood and put them “things” on her. And she knows it.
So what’s the answer? Mayhaps, Allen tried to reason with his woman.
After all he can’t let her punk him out, even if he is one of the baddest dudes in the NBA. He knows he can’t punch her out. Look what happened to old Richard Williams when he knocked that blond wig off Oracene’s nappy head.
Threats of bodily harm were certainly out, and he dared not touch her ride... because Jim Brown’s dilemma was still fresh on Allen’s mind. No, no, NO! Allen. Don’t even think about going there.
Even if O.J. did beat the rap. Hey man, just take the stuff you bought the wench back.

I’m talking credit cards, diamonds, rides and even those expensive clothes fit for a queen. Naked she came into your world, and naked is the way to send her out.
Levity aside, knowing a ghetto sister’s mentality she probably told Allen he could take all his stuff back, including “These rags I got on,” as she ripped them off, threw them at him and strode out the door.
Thus, brothers all over America are still lusting over the image of “Lady Godiva” Iverson. Then again, what’s so exciting about seeing a naked sister these days?
Hell, Hoochie Mommas don’t wear much more than (the butt naked Mrs. Iverson), when they go shopping or bar hopping. Need we even discuss MTV?
What I’m saying is, it was unfortunate that Iverson’s business got on the streets, but he surely must be commended for coming up with “The Answer,” when you no longer can chasten the woman you love. Sadly, Allen’s answer doesn’t apply when poor, broke brothers are dealing with sassy sisters who make more money than them.

If anything, the sisters are likely to cut the clothes they bought off their butts… before putting them out. Square business, in spite of the aggravation Allen’s domestic problems are causing him, the fact he didn’t box his woman shows a level of maturity on his part.
Even so, you sisters in the ‘hood should be well advised: when all brothers have is their manhood going for them, you’ll be wise to submit, or you definitely are going to get hit. I wonder if anybody knows where I’m coming from?